How Children Learn to Share and Play Together at Daycare

One child is building a tower when another reaches for the last long block. Both want it, neither wants to wait and the tower suddenly matters very much. In a learn and play daycare setting, moments like this give children opportunities to practise sharing, express their needs and work through disagreements with adult support.

Sharing is not a behaviour children master after one reminder. It develops through relationships, growing communication skills and repeated experiences of playing alongside other people. Teachers help by making those experiences manageable rather than expecting children to sort everything out themselves.

Why sharing is a skill, not a test of kindness

Sharing asks children to manage several things at once: wanting something, noticing another person's wishes and trusting that they will have another opportunity. A child can care about a friend and still find handing over a favourite truck very difficult.

It helps to separate three related skills. Sharing might mean using a basket of blocks together. Turn-taking means using one resource at different times. Cooperation means working towards something together, such as building a road.

New Zealand's Te Whāriki early childhood curriculum recognises learning with and alongside others through its Contribution strand, Mana tangata. That learning involves participation and relationships, not simply giving things up on demand.

A learn and play daycare approach gives children supported opportunities to develop these skills without treating every disagreement as unkindness.

What sharing can look like at different stages

Children's play changes as they develop, but there is no single birthday when sharing becomes easy. Language, temperament, familiarity with the setting and how a child feels that day all influence what they can manage.

Broad stage	What adults might notice	Helpful support
Infants and young toddlers	Watching others, reaching for interesting objects and enjoying back-and-forth games with an adult	Stay close, offer suitable resources and respond to gestures
Toddlers	Playing beside others, wanting the same toy and needing help with waiting	Describe what is happening, protect safety and offer simple choices
Older preschool children	Longer shared games, emerging negotiation and disagreements about rules or roles	Help children express ideas, hear alternatives and make workable plans

These are broad patterns, not a checklist or deadline. Playing beside another child, often called parallel play, can be a meaningful step towards playing together.

Progress may be small: waiting while an adult helps, offering a different scoop or returning to a game after getting upset. Those changes matter even when disagreements still happen.

How teachers support sharing in a learn and play daycare

The teacher's role is neither to referee every exchange nor to leave children alone with an overwhelming conflict. Early childhood teachers can observe, step in when needed and gradually reduce support as children become more able to manage the interaction.

Make things safe before solving the problem

If a child grabs, pushes or hits, an adult needs to act calmly and promptly. A useful response is brief and clear: “I won't let you hit. You both want the digger. I'm here to help.”

The first task is safety and comfort, including checking on anyone who has been hurt. A child who is very distressed may need closeness and time before they can listen to suggestions.

This is co-regulation: an adult helps a child manage feelings they cannot yet manage alone. A nurturing daycare environment supports this by giving children trusted adults to turn to when play becomes difficult.

Give children words, gestures and workable choices

“Use your words” is not enough if a child does not yet know which words to use. Teachers can model short phrases such as “Can I have a turn next?”, “I'm still using it” or “Could we build together?”

In a learn and play daycare environment, communication support should also include gestures, signs or visual cues when these help a child participate. Speech and eye contact are not prerequisites for joining in.

An adult might explain both perspectives: “You need that block for your bridge. Aria needs one for her roof.” The next step is finding an option, not deciding which child has the more important idea.

Make waiting understandable and fair

A vague “wait your turn” can be hard to follow. Children benefit from knowing what happens next: “When Sam finishes this load, it will be your turn with the wheelbarrow.”

A timer can help with a scarce resource when children understand the arrangement, but it does not need to control every interaction. Interrupting a carefully developed construction game every two minutes may create more conflict than cooperation.

Teachers can also adjust the environment. Extra popular tools, enough space around an activity and a clear place for unfinished work can reduce avoidable disputes. The aim is meaningful practice, not making children compete for every resource.

Everyday play that makes cooperation easier

Some activities create a shared purpose without requiring children to give up everything they are using. In a sandpit, one child might fill a bucket while another carries water. Building a long block road allows children to contribute separate sections and decide how to connect them.

Pretend play brings different challenges. Two children may both want to be the vet. A teacher can help them consider two vets working together or changing roles after an examination, rather than automatically assigning one child a less wanted role.

Outdoor play offers similar possibilities: carrying a container together, collecting leaves for a pretend meal or making space for someone on a path. Teachers can describe the cooperation specifically: “You held the bucket steady so the water stayed inside.”

These observations explain what worked. They are more useful than labelling one child “the good sharer”, which can turn a developing skill into an identity children feel pressured to maintain.

Carry the learning home without forcing it

Families do not need formal sharing lessons. A short back-and-forth game, taking turns adding ingredients or building something together can give children manageable practice when they are settled and interested.

Use language that explains both the boundary and the next step: “Your sister is using that now. You can ask for a turn when she finishes.” If waiting feels too hard, stay nearby and help your child choose something else rather than repeating the instruction from across the room.

Consistency between home and a learn and play daycare setting can make expectations easier to understand. Ask teachers which phrases or cues are helping, and share what works at home. If joining other children is the bigger difficulty, these suggestions for helping children make friends in early learning childcare explore that separate skill.

Children can also have personal boundaries. Put precious possessions away before visitors arrive, and distinguish between a comfort item and shared play equipment. Sharing should not mean accepting unwanted hugs or touch.

Some whānau support both young children and a relative living with dementia. For the adult-care side, Aegeliss's adult day centre caregiving resources offer separate reading on communication and meaningful activities. Children's developing skills and an adult's changing support needs call for different expectations.

What to ask teachers about shared play

When visiting a centre, look beyond whether children appear quiet or compliant. Notice how adults respond when two children want the same thing. A calm disagreement with thoughtful support can tell you more than an activity where nobody has to negotiate.

Useful questions include:

• How do you support a child who finds waiting difficult?

• What happens when grabbing or hitting occurs?

• How do you include children who communicate differently?

• How do you share examples of social learning with families?

Ask for a description of the process rather than a promise that children always get along. Strong support includes clear safety boundaries, respect for children already engaged in play and help for those trying to join.

For a broader view, our guide to what quality day care looks like for young children considers relationships, environments and family communication alongside everyday learning.

Frequently asked questions

How can I tell whether my child is making progress? In a learn and play daycare setting, progress might include asking before taking, accepting help to wait or suggesting another way to play. Ask teachers for specific examples over time rather than judging progress from one difficult pickup or playdate.

Should teachers make children share immediately? Not automatically. A child already using a resource needs a fair opportunity to continue, while another child needs help understanding when and how they can join or have a turn. Shared equipment may need agreed limits, but immediate surrender is not the only fair solution.

What if my child keeps grabbing or hitting? Safety comes first. Work with teachers to understand when it happens, such as during crowded play, transitions or tired periods. Agree on a consistent response and ways to practise communication. If the pattern persists or anyone is being injured, discuss further support together.

Should children be made to apologise? Adults can model an apology and support repair without demanding a word the child does not yet mean or understand. Checking whether someone is okay, helping rebuild a structure or returning an item can make repair more concrete. The other child should not be required to accept a hug.

Talk with Aubrey about your child's next step

Choosing a learn and play daycare is an opportunity to ask how everyday interactions become learning experiences. At Aubrey Early Learning Centre near Stillwater, the play-based approach sits within a small, 50-child centre with two age-specific rooms, qualified early childhood teachers and nature-based outdoor play.

Bring your questions about sharing, waiting and group play when you contact the team. Describe what your child currently enjoys and finds difficult, then ask how Aubrey could support their participation at a pace that respects their needs.